Got in a bit of a writer's block. i think i'm probably too tired. in dire need of loads of shut-eye.

Curious about the title, huh??
The unenlightened don't know this but close friends who have known me for donkeys ages will tell you that - I love Bobby Chen. But i'm not going to get into that bit until maybe later.

So, of course anything with Bobby Chen interests me. He was on a talkshow, quite a few years back, and the host asked him about his composing. (this is before his unfortunate accident, which is also another long story due in later date)

She explained how superstar-maker/composer/singer Jonathan Lee (who was in an earlier interview), told her about his composer blues. He gave an example that when you are young, shit happens. As you get older, you tend spend more time on the throne, trying hard but failing to pass whatever there is. Sort of like a creative constipation. So i suppose he (Jonathan Lee) means he used to find composing easier when he was younger, now it's more difficult.

And Bobby Chen's response ... (he's notoriously famous for being difficult at interviews/shows, like Faye Wong) goes something like this ... he's not sure why Jonathan would use such a strange analogy but he has no problem with any constipation, it's all daily and regular bowel movements for him!!

As for lil' me, i always pop in a Bobby Chen cd to cure my creative constipation. And it works every time.

SONG FOR A MOOD
The Kite/Feng-jen - Bobby Chen. The first song that i truly, truly loved by this man. He uses the kite to explain the analogy of a man who likes to 'play' or stray, but keeps his string in someone else's hold whom he wants to come home to. I know it sounds so unromantic but Chinese is very lyrical, and this song is. It is also one of the songs which is more commercial. And very folk.

We got lost!

If last Sunday wasn't enough to prove to me that Ren & I am both horribly bad at getting on the right road, then tonight is enough. We took a wrong turning and nearly went all the way to the airport. Hmmmm, i am dying to go to Korea but not so soon le.

Anyway, i am really glad though that there are really nice people who helped us find our way out of the freakingly frightening plus confusing and practically deserted maze that is called Puchong.

We were near to going bonkers ... driving in the moonlight. Ren - thanks for being patient despite no dinner. :-)

SONG FOR A MOOD
In the Moonlight/Yue-kuang xia - Ming. A nice tune, okay lyrics and surprisingly good vocals, the only flaw is the amateurish arrangement which my hubby cringes at every time. But he loves this song. If you're addicted to local TV dramas, you might recognise it.

Que Sera Sera. That's the new drama that Eric was the lead in, recently. He plays a really nasty, playboy type which makes you want to slap him as much as Kang-Ho in Super Rookie, albeit for different reasons.

This only goes to show that Eric's forte is acting. Looks like a gorilla (in fact to many he's probably the hamsomest gorilla existing), but good acting.

The VCD is just out, go buy it. Lend me so that i can review it. (Moi? i await the dvd)

i realise that i've let my anger get the better of me. Which does not mean that i am no longer angry. But i withhold those feelings because it's not seemly. I keep the post because i think some parts were written well. But ...

i've just come to the conclusion that i no longer should take responsibility for decisions that homo superior make but pretend that they didn't, and expect the rest of the world to carry out. Why in the world should i cover the ass of someone who only knows how to calculate and push the buck to others by saying 'oh, i'm bad at the details'.

Well, i'm bad at details, too - so, go ask someone else.

Less stress, less unhappiness. That way i can still smile and do MY work happily, no matter how big the hole, it's my hole not someone else's.

To chase away anger, which is governed by my Arian side, i usually listen to rock or very loud music. Here's one to suit my mood.

SONG OF A MOOD
Circus Monkey/Ma-xi-duan hou-zi - Stanley Huang. Even if you do not know Hokkien or Mandarin, you should be able to hear the anger in this song. The English lyrics - don't give a shit about me, i'm not your circus monkey, i got to get myself out, i got to break free ... Words of an enlightened yet angry 'circus monkey'. Share my anger.

i couldn't sleep the whole night. i've been bad again, it seems. Showing a grumpy face to the world. Read this: how about a very tired person who has things they need to get done who cannot even comprehend what you are asking of them, and also has their mind on other more pending priority that you have thrown on them?

i realised that i have not smiled very often lately. But, what is there to smile and be happy about? Someone who wants and takes and takes and takes beyond your capacity to give, until you are at breaking point. It has happened before. It will happen again.

Sure you get paid for it - but to do the job of more than one person but on the salary of one. It's not even about the money. One person can only do the tasks of one person, we do not need to be a rocket scientist or a financial wizard to know that! Don't try dangling overseas trips and whatnot in people's faces, putting your desires as other people's when they only want to finish their work on hand. Sure, looking ahead is very important, but at this point i cannot judge the distance it will take me to reach the nearest destination.

How can i just say without even thinking (knowing behind my back, this person always undermines everybody's abilities because she is very capable), yes i will do it, yes our team will do it (when they are so stressed), yes as you wish?

Can i even expose my team's weaknesses to more erosion without even considering that i cannot cover for them?

'Give them time', she said. Which was what i am doing, then i realised that this person lives in hyperdrive - expecting the time to take to do things better will improve in a mere two weeks.

i don't expect that the world can evolve and change in such a short period of time. Because i spent an entire morning trying to prove and demonstrate that books can be displayed nicely and create more space. Because i remember that sales targets were increased in accordance to space. Because these targets won't be cut regardless of a subtraction of space. Because we can ill afford to lose that space. Because it is an unfair division of tasks. Because other other people need time to get use to their new tasks and responsibilities. Because i have new tasks and responsibilities, too.

And because we cannot take on everything by ourselves and not seem to the rest of world as authoritative, unpleasant, bossy, selfish and greedy. When in actual fact, i don't even want any part of it, i prefer the less stressful job of being nice to my books and the people who read them.

i'm grim, because prospects are bleak. Here i am hoping to fill up some part of my huge six feet deep hole, albeit doing it bit by bit AND not with myself lying in it. If other people can say no, why must i feel pushed to say yes, knowing full well, that yes means that i will somehow take the fall if we are not up to standard?

i'm not a human being. Bosses are not human beings, either. They are homo superior, i forget. So i should wake up everyday and slap myself to remember that i must be a smiling robot at work, one that is attuned to say yes, most pleasantly. If not, i will be grim, grumpy and stupid.

Remind me, please that: I am smiling, nice and stupid. (the stupid is so i can still remain smiling and clueless) I guess this is my resolution. That and my hubby says, think Korea.

The song i selected the other day is called Close to You (in English) but Tien-tien (天天) in Chinese which roughly translates to everyday or daily. Now the tune is very simple, straighforward ballad/love song that i would call one of David Tao's strengths. Sure, his R&B songs are cool, very easy-listening but a love song that somehow stays with you and never makes you feel tired of it, that's difficult.

The beauty of this song is the simplicity - tune, lyrics, arrangement (well, there is an acoustic one which i prefer), and the way it's sung - without the usual vocal acrobatics. The best part of all is Wa-wa (lyricist) always writes very easy to understand, so it is memorable, type of lyrics. Whether it was for his first album or for subsequent ones, you can always pick out a Wa-wa song.

(If you came late, Wa-wa (means Doll) herself was a singer during the folk & Mando-pop explosion of the 80s and 90s. Suddenly she disappeared from the scene, and the first i noticed her return was David Tao's Blue album. At that time, i thought she wrote the lyrics very simply because it suited David (whom i assumed was not so good in Mandarin, perhaps even now 'cos he's always reported to have out his foot in his mouth). But it could be this is her style.

I'll try and explain the story that the song tells:

Sunny days or rainy days
in a crowded coffee place
looking for a nook, where i can comfortably think of you

i see lovers side by side
then slowly look away
there is this girl, i'm missing

my heart has taken flight, to the other side of this city
i just want to see you
that beloved face

(this part is the chorus)
everyday, the roads are ever busy
everybody is waiting in line
without you, the days are black and white
so this is what love is like
i want you to be by my side
enjoying all that life brings
i would like to say, everyday
say to you, everyday (i know it saound weird but the words used is not 'tell')
how much that i love you ...

So everyday i've been listening to this song. And everyday, i marvel at its simplicity (that a simpleton like me can understand and remember the lyrics completely), and the voice of Mr David Tao - wow!

Na-jung ae

The answer is a definite NO!

I've just been busy. It'e the beginning of the year AND month. Imagine all the reshelving and realignment of strategies, plus reports and write-ups i have to finish. Also, i've been watching videos and writing tiny blurbs which pay peanuts, but i'm not complaining ...

Recently watched Sweet Relationship Pt.1. It's a remake of manga, Oiishi Kankei which was made into a Jdrama around 10 years back. (starring the wonderful Toshiaki Karasawa and a little bit insipid but pretty Miho Nakayama)

It's about this girl who loves to eat and has been trained to truly appreciate food, but has also created a monster who is very fussy about eating. Her father dies leaving her penniless so she has to look for a job, unfortunately she is totally hopeless and klutzy. One day, having failed in another interview, she leaves the building to be greeted by a heavy downpour. She stops a taxi but get pushed on the road and loses the cab to some very disgustingly rude but well-dressed people. (her words ... hahaha) So unhappy, ya? She stumbles unto a quaint restaurant called Little Bear, and starts to stuff her face. At the end, she asks for the chef's recommendation which turns out to be a clear beef consomme. Touched by it's flavour, and the fact that it tastes like a consomme her father made for her, she starts to cry. And decides she wants to work there. Except then the chef starts scolding and says he won't have a woman in his kitchen.

The new version is the made in Taiwan one which stars Vic Zhou (Zai2), Patty Hou (most known as being Jay Chou's ex), Alan Kuo (who appears to have gained weight) and other people. It's cool. Very modern and beautifully shot, i hope the story doesn't die half way. 'Cos the main problem of Taiwan drama is either they become too melodramatic, too meandering or too slapdash. Only a few directors have managed to sustain a good lengthy drama - i dun remember their names but the good shows are like Meteor Garden 1, Yamada Taro Monogatari, Devil Beside You, Come to my Place, Toast boy's Kiss, It started with a Kiss, The Rose. Well, there are some more but they lack a certain sustainability about them. Either leads are crap or story too thin. Why-why love - the latest one on TV was quite ok except Mike He wasn't that great an actor. It didn't show with Devil Beside You, being his first drama and all - but his acting in Why2 love looked like an extension of character A-Meng.

So about Sweet Relationship .. here are a few tidbits. Heard this on the radio when both Vic and Alan were here doing interviews. Both of them went through training to learn to cook for real just so they could perform better. Alan, ever the diplomat, said that Vic was the better cook. And he himself enjoyed eating the food in the drama, which was freshly cooked for each scene.

Vic who recently acted in a film, explained to the radio dj about the difference of acting film and drama. He says that it is much more difficult to sustain a character in the long run, and make miniscule changes to it, perhaps changing only very little in each episode. While in film, being shorter, the character may have changed a lot in the next scene. The way he spoke made me see this pretty face in a new light. He is a thinking actor, not the types who have mush for brains and nothing to say at all. He has matured from the days of Hanazawa Rui and deserves some credit for his acting inspite of his wild popularity.

Then again, this director - i look forward to his next drama with great anticipation.

SONG FOR A MOOD
Close to You/Tien tien - David Tao. If there is one song, i must choose of David's, it is this song. Simple tune, simple lyrics, they evoke a simple feeling of love, loving someone and being loved. (there is a song called simple love also) Anyway, i love this song and listening to it cheers me up, puts me in a good mood. Plus, i've been wanting to listen to it again lately. I hope everybody falls in love with this song, too. Please do. It is these songs which make me think that Wang Lee-hom is over-rated. (Sorry)

If this sounds like an about-turn from my previous post about people preferring non-fiction to fiction, it isn't.

But like i said, i lurve non-fiction, too.

So what is this all about then? Been reading the Hornbook (Jan/Feb), where the wonderful people over there has made an entire issue on the winners of the Boston Hornbook book prizes. This Canadian guy (Nicholas Debon) won for Best Non-fiction Book, The Strongest Man in the World: Louis Cyr. Published by Groundwood Books, this book has practically no 'interest' value in this part of the world, plus Canadian published books are very difficult to find. (i think the main problem is they only hold local rights, and very stupidly sell world rights, UK & US rights to other publishers. Though some like Groundwood retain US rights, which is why and how i managed to stock this book in the first place. Anyway, some award winning authors books seldom see the light of day outside of Canada because some bigshot publisher (UK or US) may not have planned to publish them).

My point is ... non-fiction books that cover the whole earth, factual please are easily obtained and even easier to pan them off. Non-fiction picture books are well, another species altogether. If picture books about rabbits who ask about how much they are loved are hard to sell, then non-fiction picture books are like selling fridges to Eskimos. But. I like them. i think they fill a niche for the in-betweeners. For kids who like to learn some facts, are too young to appreciate the really heavy stuff, or older children who appreciate the beauty of a good and well presented picture book that isn't at all about made-up things.

'The Strongest Man' is definitely one hard-to-sell. But have you read any Steve Jenkins? I find his books fascinating. There is one that is called Actual Size, where he draws the animals to their actual size. Quite cool.

And if you see them popping up on bookstore shelves, it's because they are worthy of notice. Look them up someday.

Someone told me they've been following my blog.

Argghh! That is so hair-raising!

Then someone else asked me what's in my blog... I didn't know how to answer. Nothing, i suppose. Everything, i think. Depends on how you see it.

I've always found writing to be a very good outlet for me. That's why i've so many notebooks lying around, half filled. But i've never been able to write well, write true and write brave. Because to be a writer, a real one - you need honestly write down everything. Even the imagined scary parts that you may get nightmares of. Or the embarassing lovey dovey moments. Maybe a little erotica. You cannot write well until you are able to write out all the nitty gritty details you would rather flush down the toilet.

AND ...

You have to put up a brave face and say, yes i wrote that. Swallow all the criticism and move on to the next success story or failure. Writers, especially the ones with published works, i'm sure have moments in their career when they would rather throw into a bonfire. That's what i'm afraid of, too. What if it comes back to haunt me? Or like this girl i know, get her fired from her job?

What is the actual price we pay, when we want to express ourselves AND expose them to the world?

Okay, okay. i would not mind too much, perhaps one day, i might get there.

To have an opinion. To say it out loud. And to say it with my head held high. (I need to work on it, definitely.) Sometimes i think i'm ashamed of myself.

SONG FOR A MOOD
Little Fairy - Rene Liu. I just realised that it's been 12 years since this song first saw the light of day. This album, Outwandering is one of my all time favourites. Each song touches me and tends to warm and mellow me up. (whatever that means) Little Fairy seems to suit this cold, wet season. It begins with ... Imagine rainfall in winter ... Rene Liu took a more commercial turn after this album, so if it sounds terribly unfamiliar, unpolished and endearingly folk, it's now her past. I miss that Rene. Enjoy it while you can.

I've been sick for a week or so, therefore what's written here is probably nearly 2 weeks old.

Unpacking my boxes the other day, revealed a long forgotten (okay just 18 months or so) bag of soft toys. We went to buy a plastic box to fit them in. So here they are in all their glory, looking like lords on my sofa. The B-Daman blue guy, i call Hideaki Ito, because really, he looks like that. (Hahaha)



Then i stuffed most of them into the blue box with wheelies. I kept some out - like my big dolphin. i'm part fishy, must not forget the significance. Share a funny song with you. You can take it that the toys came to visit OR like the song says, the toys went on strike. Don't they look accusing???



SONG FOR A MOOD
Toys that went on Strike - Shunza. A disco style song, though i'd rather choose other songs from this first album, Come Home. (eg Come Home is an amazing song.) But thought this was too good of a match for the photos to skip, the lyrics are fun. The toys in the background go, Strike, Strike we wanna go on strike. I think perhaps it is a subtle protest against violence.

There's this funny sort of book called the Facttracker by Jason Carter Eaton, illustrations by Pascale Constantin, due out end of this month from Harper US. It's about this town where their commodity is facts. Then something happens and the people's true stories are replaced by tall tales! Now, sounds sort of interesting, huh? I thought the premise was quite cool, probably for the kids who liked Captain Underpants but grew out of theirs, so need something a little less yucky but just as hilarious. But the main reason for bringing this up is it put me in the mind of something totally different which i've been thinking of these two weeks.

The other day (sometime back, probably three Mondays back), i was going home from work and on the way down the escalator, i overheard one gentleman state and with some pride, that he never reads fiction. 'Oh, I only read non-fiction. If I want fiction, I can make up my own'. The man was standing in front of me. So i may be wrong, but did he sound disgustingly pompous. I wonder how the lady could still nod and agree with him.

Jay (who is our Humanities si-fu) doesn't read fiction either. She says it's because she cannot stop thinking that it is all not true. But we've been trying to convert her, one book by one book, though she may still think they are untrue (everyone knows they are not true, d-uh!), i was quite surprised the other day when she said she enjoyed The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Luis Zafon. Well, well, well ... not bad. Seeing some light, lately.

But back to those who rub their heels with fiction.

i mean, it's like fiction is worthless and for the dummies or people with no imagination. For your information (eh-hem), great fiction require a lot of skill, imagination and legwork (read research) to write. And the true beauty of fiction allows it to be as fantastical as it is believable and unbelievable at the same time. Take fantasy as an example, the setting may be out of this world, yet firmly we are able to accept it. It is all due to the writer's description that makes it seem real to the reader. Or those reality-based novels, where the exciting happen in an everyday setting, how skilled the pen of the author, to make the mundane majestic.

Fiction rings more true at times for people become less afraid to state what is true in a fantastic situation.

And non-fiction. Don't get me wrong - I love to read non-fiction, too. History is cool. Being Arian, i am only second to Librans (my mother), in absorbing information. And i will be the first to raise both hands to say that it also requires great skill to write non-fiction. If not, it's be dry and boring and so for those stuffy academicians. And it also has to be factually correct, to some point or other.

And sure, everyone is allowed to diss fiction for being not true, a waste of time (reading non-fiction is like studying) and probably not even worth buying.

Then here's my question to you. How do you know non-fiction is all facts? That everything you read is true? That there is not one piece of stated fact which isn't as it seem? Two different field experts with the same information may interpret them into opposing solutions, could they not? Then do you believe one and call the other fiction?

Yes, yes. You will also say, it is all a matter of opinion and deduction based on the true facts. But if you like to read about History, you will realise that some biographies take some creative license into making the story come to life. The only badge that gives them authenticity is a bibliography the size of a chapter. Fiction will probably have an accompanying note from the author, one para long - not even worth mentioning.

And where does this lead us?

Non-fiction is where facts are written creatively to tell a true story. Fiction is where stories are creatively wrought to sound true. Both require good writing (eh-hem again, storytelling) skills, some imagination or ideas and sound research. They both have their strengths and exist to fill the need to feed different sides of our brain. The logical side of the brain for non-fiction and the creative part loves fiction. Kids like Jay don't read fiction, but still enjoy music, film and other arts so they are fulfilling their creative hunger.

Fiction and Non-fiction fans are always at loggerheads but really, these two complement each other. i, for one, love both. And those non-believers of fiction or non-fiction, remember that they are NOT opposite poles, they belong to different parts - Left and Right.

And parents, puh-lease know this. Kids need some of both to feed and nurture a proper Brain. So STOP and think before you end up buying them dictionaries and atlases only. Stories are important, too - fake but still crucial. (and yes, i'm done for now)

Hey, it's already 2008!

I've been out already, running errands, visiting a new bookstore and cooking an nice lunch (cold soba and omelette, plus an nice fruit punch). Gee, i'm pooped.

Yesterday, at lunch, i had an interesting conversation with Jay. She was telling me of her short holiday in Korea, where she stayed at a hostel of sorts. All sorts of people were there. Serious pop fan from Japan, there to watch a concert. A Frenchie who loved to photograph folk. A girl travelling the world. Even some foreigners who worked for the local conglomerates.

The more i heard, the more round-, wide-eyed i became. And her final comment: 'and what are we doing the same time as these people? Getting canned in the sardine tin daily (read LRT); writing little book blurbs, dusting the shelves.' You could sense her envy of them living on the other side of the fence. You can even sense my envy of her being able to meet people like that, i'll bet too.

Huo-de jing-cai (It means living a vibrant, interesting life)
That's what we should be doing. It doesn't necessarily mean chuck your job and go backpacking. Just don't live life in mediocrity; your kind of mediocrity.

But don't forget that living well means balancing how we want to live with how we ought to; for i'm sure those people she met had responsibilities they weren't taking up or are running away from.

i remember distinctly i used to say that i never want to have any regrets. i wonder if the me today could meet and look directly into the eyes of this me who believed those words. i'm not sure what to think, but for sure, like everyone else, i am after a beautiful life. Though, my idea of a beautiful life may not be yours.

Huo de jing cai pa! (I haven't written about books or other stuff lately, but coming up soon. They are all floating around in my head, waiting for the right moment)

SONG FOR A MOOD
My Rising Sun - Northern Bright. This is from one of my favourite albums, Northern Songs; all the songs rock. It's already out of print so don't bother hunting. It's a little late in the afternoon but you can play it every morning. Very stirring!