i've written only 6 posts in 2009. there's how much i wished to reveal. (apart from the fact that my PC at home has a bad line, which means it irritates the living daylights out of me whenever the pages hang ...)

i know where i've been. Hiding, i've been hiding some of my thoughts away because this is a public blog, dammit. There are things i wish i could voice out and wish to do, in order to leave it behind to heal. Somehow, i think i did do it, eventually.

Given that, i did go ahead and broke someone's trust in me. (ok, i'm not even sure if that person ever did trust me much. for sure, you can now see - my trust of this person transcends to the 18 levels) i was given a hint or so about something, made to understand i was the cause then was also expected not to find out more. i know it sounds confusing, so imagine this person/me in the middle, in a muddle. Should i find out more or leave it? Well, for one whole day, i kept it.

but i lost sleep over it, anguished over it, pondered over it.

like a dullard, i went ahead and asked, not even considering the consequences - which is, if found out, i'm never to be spoken to again. i went ahead and did it. (without realising) and now i'm in a pickle. i feel guilty yet liberated. Sure, i'm not forgiven. Perhaps, i'll never be forgiven.

But i'm sorry i was so stupid and things turned out this way. i wanted you and me to be free of lies and deceit, and perhaps now you can be free of me, too. No obligations.