i'm sad.

Even though i'm always putting up a brave front, i always feel sad when people leave - whether they are colleagues who change jobs; friends who move to another country or ... events that change relationships. i'm afraid to be left behind or to to be left full-stop, because i think one of my parents did. Then again maybe we pushed him away. However, after all this time, i guess i have gotten somewhat numb over all this leaving.

Perhaps it may be that the first 'left-behind' made me strong enough to face any fare-wells. One of my colleagues gave me a nice thank you card, as an afterthought. But deep within, i wish her well because she is one of the hardest working people i know, and kindest because she is always trying to make sure you are not hurt. i call her Fung Ching2, like the character in the Bund.

Today, though marks another departure. One of the nicest, kindest girls i've ever met. She really is sweet ... but ... dear Ma-chan, can be quite the innocent lambkin. i promised you i won't judge you. In fact, i don't think i have the right to. For my heart-felt advise was that you can at the very least retain the freedom to where you want your life to lead - one of your idea of freedom or your idea of captivity. And my final piece is forever retain your freedom to choose friends, whom your heart appreciates. Other than that, despite feeling unhappy over not having enough courage to fight for the opportunity to live as you like, ... i believe that when it is most important to you, the utmost crucial thing, you will know to stand up for yourself, no matter what, hell to pay. Because you are not alone. i am sad, too.

SONG FOR A MOOD
Freedom - Masaharu Fukuyama. For obvious reasons, even though Ma-chan doesn't fancy loud brash rock. This is my song to you, a song to lend you energy and strength when in need.